Special Effects: From a Letter to Two Childhood Friends

P, I'm so sorry to hear about your fall. Were you alone when it happened? How did you get help?

They always joke about aging not being for sissies but boy are they ever right. Today I was thinking that I should look around the internet because surely someone has written a funny song about all the thrills (and spills) of getting old. 

There would have to be a stanza about what happens when you laugh too hard (cross those legs, ladies, it's leaky time!), and one about the joys of a high fiber diet (eat fiber because the colonoscopy doctor told you to do it, add up the insufficient fiber grams, sigh and eat more fiber, sit around feeling bloated while processing the fiber, run to the bathroom, quick! quick! quick! before it's too late, then repeat the whole cycle). 

Today I am sporting several bandages, having been half nibbled to death by the dermatologist. Oh, good, just another ten days in hot weather when I can't get those bandages wet while I wait to hear if I have some terrible skin disease, tra-la!

C, I never get into the shower without thinking about your terrible shower fall. I will be thinking about you again in ten days, when I'm finally allowed to shower again. 

Guess what? I just got a tricycle! There really is some message about the circle of life there. A couple of years ago Bill bought me a very pretty two-wheeled cruiser bike for Christmas, but I fall off of it. The last time it threw me, I was just standing still while holding it and chatting with a neighbor. It flung me right into the roadside gravel. Getting up is no picnic, as you may or may not know, and I didn't even have to do the usual quick look around to see if anyone noticed my embarrassing fall. Nope, the neighbor was still right there, looking appalled and probably wondering, how on earth did she do that?

So now I have a nice stable tricycle. Bit of a wide load (ha ha) with those two back wheels, and the seat is built just like one on a tractor. Nice, fat, broad, comfy seat. I was interested to find that it just exactly fit me! It's not easy to steer a trike, I've found, so although I don't have to worry about falling over I still have a way to go before I can steer a steady course. But how nice to be able to get out and get some exercise without damaging myself too severely. 

Which makes me think of my adventures at the gym. Last time there I was diligently wiping down the control panel of the treadmill I'd just used. Unfortunately I also wiped the "on" button, so as I turned to step off I got a little power boost, sending me off the back end a little faster than I usually move. Lucky for me, my fellow jocks were busy huffing and puffing so they didn't notice my unintended burst of speed. 

So, have I covered our aging issues? Diet, exercise, medical tests, doctor's orders... Wait, there's one more. 

Today I picked up a prescription written for me by that nibbling skin doctor. After reading the possible side effects, I see that I'm apparently looking at symptoms that may or may not include more bloating, gas, and nausea (just like the special effects of the high fiber diet), possible loss of sense of smell and taste (lasting for up to a year), and accidental weight loss (can't wait for that one). 

On the other hand, if I decide to forgo the medication because of the dire warnings about potential liver damage, I face a future in which whatever is going on with my toenail (sorry I didn't attach a photo, lol) will spread to my artificial knees and will actually implode me, saving my family all the trouble of spreading my [future] ashes. 

I send you both much love; that's another good thing about being older--you just go ahead and tell people that you love them.

The Hard Stuff Just Got a Little Easier

In my last post, Talking About the Hard Stuff, I discussed all those grown-up things we are supposed to deal with, such as living wills, advanced health directives, and so on.

Your comments showed a common "Yikes!" reaction. Yes, we all know this is something we should do, and no, most of us haven't gotten around to it. I want you to know that just because I wrote about the need for this kind of planning doesn't mean that I have filled out the forms myself. I have that vague, underlying guilt that I don't seem to be brave enough to confront some scary decisions.

However, there is help out there--and believe me, it practically has to walk in my door for me to get started on this project. That good Beez came across a bunch of legal forms under our library's online reference section. Provided as a part of their Infotrac subscription that is available to all their patrons, the Gale Legal Forms suite contains every kind of legal form you can imagine, and some you probably can't--leases, name changes, something called a "pour over" will, and so on. There are also entire handbooks available for download on pet law, patent trademark law, paternity law, and elder law, just to name a few.

For those of you in the Las Cruces area, just go to the Branigan Library website, click on "Reference," then "Databases," then "Gale Legal Forms." You will need to put in your library card number to gain access, but we all know you have one of those. Right?

If you don't live near here, be sure to check out the services available from your public library, either online or at the library itself. I am always surprised at the range of helpful assistance offered by libraries. I'm sure they can either provide the forms you need or show you how to get them for free.

Just download and print--now that is something I can do. Perhaps I'll even get brave enough to read over the forms and, who knows? We might even get them filled out and filed with our doctor's office and hospital of choice. I'll let you know!

Thinking About the Hard Stuff

They're Your Parents, Too! How Siblings Can Survive Their Parents' Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy, by Francine Russo (Bantam Books, 2010).

*****

I first read about this book on the blog, greenchilesandroses, in a post called How to Deal When Parents Aren't Immortal. Charlotte, the blog's author, is a retired social worker who writes with great empathy about people. Even though we've never met, I feel as though I know her, and I didn't want to let her down by not reading this book, especially as she recommended it so highly.

It was hard for me to read, I have to admit. Oh, the book was fascinating and told the stories of people--real people--who were struggling with issues of aging parents, and that part was easy enough. For me, though, there were a couple of reasons why I found the book so difficult.

The first was point of view. Talk about feeling a part of the so-called "sandwich generation," and worrying about both aging parents and ourselves as parents to grown children! I had to read over many paragraphs more than once--the first time from the point of view of having elderly parents, and the second time from the point of view of being an older parent.

The second difficulty I had in reading the book was due to the subject matter of planning itself, because it is something I haven't really completely dealt with for my life. My own mother was a wonderful example of careful and thoughtful end-of-life planning--there was a living trust, and all aspects of health and finances had been taken care of; her wishes and plans were very clear. When she died it was, of course, a difficult time emotionally, but we "kids" didn't have to deal with any of the practical issues, so things went as smoothly as possible under the circumstances.

Me? Not so much. Beez and I do have wills, and have kept them updated through the years, but every time the doctor asks if I have made out a living will, also known as an "advance directive," or an "advanced health care directive," I mumble that I haven't, and look at the floor, the wall, anywhere but in his kindly face. I just haven't been able to summon the courage to examine what I want done medically if I find myself helpless and at the end of life.

Here's one reason. A few weeks ago, I read on another blog about an elderly lady in the emergency room of the hospital. Her son asked that no heroic measures be taken to prolong her life, as that was her wish. Perhaps lacking any signed paperwork on file, the hospital staff went ahead and revived her. That evening she was well enough to sit up and phone friends for a chat. Oops.

So, yes, I know there are some hard decisions to make and papers to fill out. This book makes it clear how necessary those decisions are, because I know that Beez and I don't want to leave a mess for our kids to clean up when we are no longer able to make our needs known. In this new world of families separated by hundreds or thousands of miles, of parents living longer than any previous generation, and of the loss of the extended family of several generations living under one roof and caring for each other, the last thing we want to do is to leave trouble and worry behind.

I will have a bit more to say on this subject in the next post. In the meantime, I am wondering how you have dealt with these issues. Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments. We're all in this together, you know.