Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Search for "Fank" Definition Returns Nimble Sexpots and More

Fank, you ask? I can do that...

Note: For a further taste of Scotland, try out the recipe for Forfar Bridies on my other blog.

If you persevered to the end of yesterday's post, you will recall that we were still searching for the meaning of the Scots word fank, as in the sentence "... in the sheep dip up at the high fank..."

Along the way, my Internet journey took me over to BBC Scotland, where I found what is apparently a public blogging site where all can post. Nestled within its electronic pages, I found many new words (shirty! arse end! Abba!) to look up (just kidding) although, I'm afraid, still no definition of fank.


But look at this list of adverts (see? I'm learning the lingo) from Scots lonely hearts columns. In keeping with our apparent theme, the list is called:



Below are allegedly real ads from lonely-hearts columns. 

Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08

Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box 06/03

Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.

Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by longtime fiancée seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box 53/41

Ginger-haired Partick troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more. Box 84/87

Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more, as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential. Box 12/32

Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters. Box 23/45

Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Dumfries seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest. Box 40/27

Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Box 52/07

Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Framptons Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please! Box 30/41

Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm. Box 17/91

6 comments:

the7msn said...

HA! Well at least they're honest.

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Heehee!!! So much better than your basic "SWF seeks SWM for friendship and possibly more"!

mike burr said...

also interested in the meaning as used in 'fanks fur nerf inn' which by the way is english as is what you term scots - we merely inherited a load of french as well to increase our vocab leaving you lot to struggle on in your limited way - so what other interesting words do you use up there ??
ps i would like to hear from box 12/20 as we are quite a distance from the sea here which would certainly make for healthy walking

mike burr said...

by the way - didn't realise you lived in canada - very very good photo's especialy like the red sunflower - cant recall seeing one here in england - but then im not a gardener - and half blind - and probably not tall enough to see the top of a sunflower etc etc

clairz said...

Gosh, Mike, sounds like you could put together some adverts of your own! If you could just come over, I have a very amusing sister you might like to meet.

Not sure why you think I'm in Canada, although I have been in the past. I am posting from New Mexico, and happy to be doing so.

Also not too sure about the red sunflower to which you refer--but am enjoying the mental picture of you trying to be tall enough to see the top of it!!

danger said...

im not sure why i thought you were in canada either - must have bin 2 do with some of the images - i'm a painter near london uk [see mikeburr co uk] and liked the pix particularly the red sunflower - and i was writing a poem 4 someone and used the word fank - assuming it to be like the old werd funk [panic flustered] - appologies 4 taking so long to reply been welding my dad into his shed - regards mike